One of the books I am trying to write is called 10 Things I Wish I Knew About Motherhood -- Before I became a mom! I have to be honest and say that I really don't feel qualified to write about how to be a great mother. I am just out there trying my best to juggle life and family and faith like everyone else. But by the grace of God it all seems to be going well so far.
Some of you may know of my struggle with postpartum depression after having my first child, Kaylan. It was a really difficult time for me, and I tell the whole story in my "Superwoman in the Making" Series on the soul section regarding emotions. I think part of my 18-month struggle in this area was because I truly did not know what to expect as far as real lifestyle changes were concerned. Everyone told me that having a baby would be the most wonderful thing in my life and how precious every moment would be and how it would teach me so much about God's love for me. In hindsight, all those things are absolutely TRUE. But I was completely unprepared for complete and immediate shift that took place when this little bundle arrived on the scene.
So my little book is aimed at mothers in the first or early stages of motherhood. I haven't the authority to speak on matters relating to mothering teens --- yet. I'll leave that book for my next decade. Anyway, my 10 things I wish I knew are listed below in no particular order. What are some things you wish you knew before you became a mom? I would love to hear your own words.
1. You will sleep again! I think most of my biggest failures as a parent have been due to fatigue. Make sleep a priority because eventually it will affect your judgement.
2. Having a baby will impact your marriage. Not saying this is good or bad -- it's just true. It's a fact. Your marriage changes significiantly after you add kids. It's a process -- don't freak out.
3. Make peace with your body -- it can never really be the same again, and it's served you well. So be thankful for it -- treat it well with good food, excercise, and rest.
4. Your world my seem to get a lot smaller for awhile, but don't confuse small with insignificant. I felt a little trapped by having to spend so much time at home with a little one. I like to check things off my list and not have to do them again. All of a sudden my days became an endless routine of wake up, change diapers, eat, play, sleep. It was hard to see the significance in that for someone who is used to being highly productive. God had to show me that I wasn't out of the game, but the playing field had changed.
5. There's no such thing as a perfect mom. Not even the Martha Stewart clone who sends handmade valentines to the 2-year-old mother's day out valentine party. Comparing yourself to others will always keep you from rejoicing over their successes and weeping over their sufferings as the Bible tells us to do. There is not place for comparison and envy in love.
6. It's okay to let your kids stay with a babysitter once in awhile. Yes, you need to be really vigilant about who you leave your kids with. Nothing is worth exposing them to risk of any kind. That being said, for most women, having a scehduled break during the week is a necessity for overall health of spirit, soul, and body. It's not a luxury. You are a better mother when you are refreshed.
7. God gave your children to YOU to parent. Not James Dobson, not your pastor, not your uber mom best friend/sisiter/aunt, not your mother [in law]. He gave them to YOU. Therefore, He has uniquly gifted and equppied you to raise them according to His love and purpose for their lives, and according to His word. There are lots of great books out there that can resource you to be a great parent, but the fact is, none of them are THE WAY for everyone. There is only one book that represents THE WAY -- and that's the Bible. Within the principles outlined in God's word, there's a lot of room for each individual family. Don't judge someone else's way of parenting. Rather, encourage and pray for them. And don't let anyone else judge you, but rather raise your children with a reverent fear of God, knowing that one day you will be called to account for your stewardship over their lives.
8. Get some perspective. Some things just aren't that big of a deal.
9. You will have to work extra hard and maintaining friendships during this season, and some won't go the distance into this time of your life. It's hard to stay connected to others when you have to pack up your while life just to go for a two-hour visit. But you have to make the effort or you will get lonely and discouraged. On the other hand, some friends aren't ready to venture with you to mommy land. Have the grace to let them go and move on without burning bridges. God has a way of working things out in the long haul.
10. It's only a season. When you're in the middle of raising those preschool aged children, people always say to you, "This is such a precious time, and it goes so quickly. Enjoy it while you can." Some days I used to think, "Well, it's not going quickly enough." But as someone who has just now exited that phase of motherhood, I am here to humbly attest to the brevity of that season. When it's over, it's over, just as quickly as it came. Before you know it, you can barely remember that just-bathed baby smell and you're already dreaming of having your own grandchildren. So really live in the moment, because like every season in life, it too, shall pass.
Love you girls!
Kerri
LBxoxo
